GREEN GRADES.

A few years ago, while going through my family’s Christmas CD collection, I noticed there were a handful of compilations that not only stood out but seemed to belong in their own little club. I’m referring to those holiday CDs that were brought to us by some kind of local retailer. Like a hardware store or pizza place or something. Usually one of the big chains that could afford to produce such a thing.

To understand why they bothered doing so in the first place, we must cast our minds back fifteen or twenty years, to a time when simply making your own Christmastime playlist on your phone wasn’t a thing. Heck, even burning CDs wasn’t quite common fashion yet. So you relied on others to collect and present the hits on a good ol’ compact disc for you. And, if you’re anything like my family, you amassed quite the collection, as you’d grab one whenever and wherever you saw one. Usually near the register - classic impulse purchase - merely because you wanted to hear that one awesome song as soon as you got into the car.

(The purchase was also often for a good cause, as most donated a small percentage of the sale to a charity of some sort)

The result, though, is having some pretty odd-ball inclusions that stick out of your Christmas CD collection like the misfits they are. Mind you, that’s not to say they never got played. We must have listened to each of these more than a few times every year, because I know them all too well. So well, in fact, that I feel qualified to properly grade them…

HOLIDAY

WRAPPED UP

THE CROONER COMPILATION

Tracks?

1. I’ve Got My Love To Keep Me Warm - Dean Martin

2. Winter Wonderland - Tony Bennett

3. The Christmas Song - Natalie Cole

4. I’ll Be Home For Christmas - Michael Bublé

5. It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year - Johnny Mathis

6. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - Lou Rawls

7. What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve? - Nancy Wilson

8. All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth - Nat ‘King’ Cole

9. The Holiday Season - Andy Williams and the Williams Brothers

10.White Christmas - The Drifters

11. Santa Baby - Sophie Milman

10. Jingle Bells - Perry Como

Brought to us by?

LCBO

When?

2003

How much went to charity?

$1 of every sale

Which charity?

World Wildlife Fund

Stand-out inclusion?

The Drifters’ “White Christmas”

But does Mel Torme sing “The Christmas Song”?

No

Thoughts?

It’s an equal mix of the definitive versions you know and love and the out-side-the-box versions you so rarely hear. Like, no one sings “I’ve Got My Love To Keep Me Warm” like Dino and Bennett and his big band absolutely own “Winter Wonderland”. But then you’ve got Natalie Cole singing about those infamous chestnuts instead of her dad and Sophie Milman stepping in for Eartha Kitt. It mostly balances out, though, with each side of the scale providing solid renditions. Still, its super safe song selection leaves something to be desired. Bonus points for Lou Rawls, though.

Grade?

B

Worth noting:

I prefer this Micheal Bublé version of “I’ll Be Home for Christmas”, which is from his “Let It Snow” EP, rather than the one you’ll find on his later “Christmas” LP.

IN THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT

Tracks?

1. The Christmas Song - Mel Torme

2. Let It Snow - Joe Williams

3. Christmas In New Orleans - Louis Armstrong

4. Sleigh Ride - Ella Fitzgerald

5. Silent Night - Patti Page

6. Jingle Bells - Bing Crosby & The Andrews Sisters

7. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - Judy Garland

8. Jingle Bell Rock - Brenda Lee

9. Here Comes Santa Claus - Mills Brothers

10. Do You Hear What I Hear - Do Re Mi Children’s Chorus

11. Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer - Burl Ives

12. Winter Wonderland - Connie Francis

Brought to us by?

Indigo

When?

2001

How much went to charity?

$0

Which charity?

N/A

Stand-out inclusion?

Patti Page’s “Silent Night”

But does Mel Torme sing “The Christmas Song”?

Yes

Thoughts?

An adequate assortment of standards brought to us by some pretty heavy hitters: Ella, Bing, Louis, Judy, Connie fuckin’ Francis. Wooh! That’ll wake ya up.

Grade?

B-

Worth noting:

This isn’t the Mel Torme version of “The Christmas Song” you want. It’s some stripped down hunk of junk that entirely omits the traditional intro. You’ve been warned. Also, this is Burl Ives’ “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” from his 1956 album “Christmas Eve with Burl Ives” and not the one from the much loved Rankin/Bass special. So don’t get your hopes up there. Besides, everyone knows the best non-soundtrack Burl Ives Christmas album is “Christmas Album” from 1968. If you’re gonna grab anything, grab it from that.

SONGS FOR THE HOLIDAYS

BROUGHT TO YOU BY PIZZA NOVA

Tracks?

1. Cool Yule - Matt Dusk

2. Step Into Christmas - Elton John

3. Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree - Brenda Lee

4. The First Noel - Vanessa Williams

5. Jingle Bell Jingle - The Platters

6. Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - Smokey Robinson & the Miracles

7. Sleigh Ride - Ella Fitzgerald

8. Ave Maria - Luciano Pavarotti

Brought to us by?

Pizza Nova

When?

2005

How much went to charity?

$1 of every sale

Which charity?

The Children’s Wish Foundation

Stand-out inclusion?

Brenda Lee’s “Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree”

But does Mel Torme sing “The Christmas Song”?

No

Thoughts?

I remember this actually being delivered with a pizza. We must have agreed to its purchase while placing our order over the phone because it certainly wasn’t free. Perhaps it should have been, though. There’s zero attempt at tone and/or genre consistency. You can’t have Elton’s rockin’ “Step Into Christmas” sharing space with Pavarotti belting out “Ave Maria” with Vanessa Williams sandwiched in between. Well, I guess you can… but won’t sound good. And only eight songs? Pffft.

 

Grade?

C

Worth noting:

This CD features a coupon inside that reads - 

“FREE Slice

With The Purchase of Any Slice

of equal or lesser value.”

… too bad it expired fourteen years ago.

A MERRY AFFAIR

STARBUCKS SWINGING SONGS

OF RED VELVET AND MISTLETOE

Tracks?

1. Cool Yule - Kurt Elling

2. Jingle Bells - Frank Sinatra

3. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - Diana Krall

4. Sleigh Ride - Ella Fitzgerald

5. The Christmas Song - Mel Torme

6. Christmas Blues - Holly Cole

7. Christmas Time Is Here - Charlie Hunter

8. Winter Wonderland - Bing Crosby

9. Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer - Lena Horne

10. What A Wonderful World - Kieran Kane

11. Let It Snow - Ray Brown Trio

12. I’ve Got My Love To Keep Me Warm - Dean Martin

13. Christmas Is - Lou Rawls

14. Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - Dave Brubeck and Gerry Mulligan

15. What Are You Doing New Years Eve? - Nancy Wilson

Brought to us by?

Starbucks

When?

1999

How much went to charity?

$0

Which charity?

N/A

Stand-out inclusion?

Diana Krall’s “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”

But does Mel Torme sing “The Christmas Song”?

Yes

Thoughts?

Coffee and jazz go together like peanut butter and Oreos. Which is to say splendidly but not as often as they used to. One could argue the two cultures helped popularize one another. Starbucks knows this and stays true to its roots. Look no further than the inclusion of the Ray Brown Trio, Dave Brubeck and Gerry Mulligan. There’s nothing lazy about the song choices here, and that’s rare. Not every tune is my favourite rendition, but it’s a cohesive selection that offers up some unique stuff. And the CD’s packaging is quite nice, too. It features some cool art that illustrates an original poem inside. Bonus points for Lou Rawls, as usual.

Grade?

A-

Worth noting:

This features an insane yet entertaining rendition of “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer” by Lena Horne, during which she accuses Rudolph of having a drinking problem.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

Tracks?

1. The Christmas Song - Mel Torme

2. Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town - Tony Bennett

3. Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer - Burl Ives

4. The Twelve Days Of Christmas - Dinah Shore

5. Here Comes Santa Claus - Doris Day

6. Jingle Bell Rock - Sweethearts of the Rodeo

7. Do You Hear What I Hear? - Bobby Vinton

8. The Secret of Christmas - Julie Andrews

9. Jingle Bells - Duke Ellington & His Orchestra

10. Winter Wonderland - Aretha Franklin

Brought to us by?

Rogers Video

When?

1997

How much went to charity?

$1 of every sale

Which charity?

Your local children’s hospital

 

Stand-out inclusion?

Bobby Vinton’s “Do You Hear What I Hear?”

But does Mel Torme sing “The Christmas Song”?

Yes

Thoughts?

There’s nothing inspired about this track list, but sometimes that’s ok. In this instance, it’s partly because the singers aren’t always who you’re expecting, yet are familiar just the same. Like Day and Andrews, who I’m always surprised we don’t hear more of this time of year. So, while certainly a safe set, it’s mostly in a comforting way and offers a slight alternative to the usual voices.

Grade?

B

Worth noting:

From what I understand, Duke Ellington released two recordings of “Jingle Bells”. One runs 2:58 and the other 3:19. This CD features the latter, which I prefer.