Thursday, April 30, 2020

 VERY.

JUST DON’T CHEW IT.
a ranking

by Hunter Jon

Look.

It’s quite clear what our next step needs to be.

Let’s rank every “Mission Impossible” movie from our least favourite to most favourite.

I'll go first.







Now let’s watch them all in this order and disavow our actions.

Tuesday, April 28, 2020

ROOT BEER.
a pick six

by Hunter Jon

I like root beer. A lot. Like, a lot a lot. I’ve probably put far too much thought into root beer over the course of my life. Or perhaps just the right amount. Who’s to say?

Here are my six favourite brands.

(I’ve included the appropriate amount of honourable mentions)










Monday, April 27, 2020

LADY GOOGOO.
a playlist

by Hunter Jon

COWLMAN RETURNS
(AS DOES THE OCCASIONAL DOMINO BOY).


















Sunday, April 26, 2020

VIDEOS OF MUSIC, VOL 1.
a pick six

by Hunter Jon

As a child I witnessed the end of the televised era (MTV/MuchMusic) and as my twenties began so did a new era of streaming (YouTube/Vevo). So music videos were largely absent from perhaps my most formidable years. And I completely missed out on the radical, game-changing Gondry/Jonze/Glazer years. Most would probably say my taste suffers as a result, or at the least is hard to place a finger on. But when assembling a list of favourites I stood back and noticed you could split them into two clear categories. Those mostly minimal and those largely elaborate. Of course, to suggest that there are only two styles of music videos is too broad a statement and a stupid one. But I do find myself interested in when (and why) a video chooses to be one or the other. It’s often determined simply by budget and resources. But not always. I’m going to take a look at minimal first and an elaborate retort will eventually follow. It's worth pointing out that I pretty much prefer anything on this list to the ones on the list still to come. I guess this means that when it comes to music videos I'm a less is more kinda guy.

So here are my six favourite minimal music videos.

(I’ve included the appropriate amount of honourable mentions)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_YR4dKArgo

It represents something super specific - the second single off a Disney channel star’s first album. You’ve rushed out a single, in this case ‘Falling Down’, and shot a video which consisted of the singer and her band dancin’ and rockin’ in front of bare, exposed, in-studio walls with colourful lights swinging and flashing in every direction. Uninspired and cost a nickel. Clearly they’re waiting to see if her music takes off like her sitcom did before they invest too much time or talent into these videos. So for the second single you do something even lamer and cheaper. You stand her in front of a green screen and have her barely dance around and throw in tired visual gimmicks mostly lifted from other, better videos in post. The final product should be awful. It’s a teeny-bopper ‘Seven Nation Army’ rip-off. Yet I went through a period of watching it daily that was longer than I care to admit. Is it the stuck-in-your-head song? The hypnotic repetition? Was it overwhelming boredom? Those all surely helped, but ultimately - it’s Gomez. She’s not one of the most famous people on the planet by accident. And sadly that does happen.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lT67liGjZhw

There are two official videos for this song. I’m talking about the one that is often labelled ‘One Take’ because it’s shot in, well, one take. It’s just a close up of her. She might be playing a piano, but I honestly can’t quite tell. Sounds simple enough, and it is. But the words she’s singing, the music that compliments them, that voice, that face, those braces - it’s a breathtakingly beautiful snapshot of the fragility of youth. She looks like if you dared touch her she’d bruise or tear or something. It’s too bad the annoying choice to occasionally rack focus onto the branches behind her almost ruins the whole thing.


https://vimeo.com/17777371

It’s both extremely simple and complex. But I’ve chosen to file it under minimal because ultimately it’s simplicity by way of complexity. The ‘simple’ is front and centre and what you’re designed to see. For those only familiar with the Apple ad do yourself a favour (or don’t) and watch what’s billed as the ‘director’s version’. In my opinion, Feist is one of the most daring, delicate and flat out gifted musicians alive. Always pushing the boundaries of not only her sound but all sounds. And then writes lyrics that are more than worthy of her music. She is a true artist. So to see her allowing herself to play the part of ‘popstar’, complete with a glittery outfit, a crew of colourfully dressed dancers, a catchy hook consisting mostly of numbers so that even the littlest of kids can sing along (she of course sang this on “Sesame Street”) and a bow at the end of the performance, is a strange delight. It’s fun to see her showing off her flexibility.


https://vimeo.com/48139630

I can’t pretend to be a Palmer aficionado but I absolutely love ‘Theatre is Evil’ in it’s entirely, can’t listen to ‘Runs in the Family’ just once and dig her trademark eyebrows - therefore think she’s all kinds of great. Here she makes the absolute most out of a very simple video for a very simple cover of a very simple song. It’s hard to match the rhythm of music and that of visuals this well. It ends up putting you in a kind of trance. It's very rare to see a singer of her caliber not only staying true to herself creatively, knowing full well doing so will limit the width of her fame, but seemingly going out of her way to ensure she never resembles anything mainstream. This video might be the ultimate evidence of that. Or maybe she just wants a different kind of attention and lots of it. But I doubt that. Regardless, it's hard to get this video out of your head. I like that it's firmly in mine.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cy3Ql_ynubE

Chaplin once said something along the lines of, “Give me a park, a police officer and a pretty girl and I’ll give you movie.” Someone else (it might have been Godard) said that all they needed to make a movie was a girl and a gun. And I’ve often said to myself when stuck on a project, “When in doubt… have a girl dance around”. The commonality here is clear and thankfully whoever thought this one up knew as much. The girl in question is a member of the band, mind you, which gives her an even stronger connection to and understanding of the (awesome) song and her energy shows it. Throw in the colours, editing and some toys on the wall and you’ve got perhaps the best example ever of how you can make an amazing music video on what I can only assume was a budget of zero.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScSHEnFNRck

Until recently I’d always wondered where Duffy went. I give “Rockferry” a full listen at least once a year and only grow fonder of it each time. It’s one of those rare albums without a single track that I skip. I could have never imagined she stepped out of the spotlight for the reasons she did and my heart aches for her. This new knowledge, though, makes this video all the more gut wrenching and memorable. I know it doesn’t match the actual timeline of things, but learning even the briefest details of her trauma and then watching her crying while singing (and eventually giving up on) this particular song is… well, it’s beyond moving. However, even before it carried this hefty context it was still one of absolute favourites. It's also a fascinating example of having to settle for and make the best out of the footage you got. Because I bet going in the aim was to shoot one continuous, unbroken shot. But they didn't get a full take because she couldn't do it. I assume one of two things happened - the song is too personal and emotional for her to simply act her way through it... or she is acting (really well) and just had trouble stopping the fake tears once they started. Either way, she couldn't do it. The result is perfectly flawed.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCJmX-HXrrs

She never did quite reach superstar status, so her videos were always kept pretty simple. This one especially falls back on a lot of inexpensive stylistic troupes to spice things up, each of which just screams last year of the eighties. The occasional slow motion and/or black and white. A constant presence of wind. Five wardrobe changes. Cut aways to exotic animals. A setting that suggest the location is much more far off and foreign than it actually is. And not that visuals ever have to literally match lyrics, but… yeah. Those all might sound like criticisms, but when you grew up with those exact cliches splashed everywhere you looked than this goes from cheesy to cozy real quick. Then take into account that it’s Daily dancing around and that it’s my second favourite song of hers and you come in at number five, folks.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eED30qLA0KY

This is like porn for editors. Or maybe their worse nightmare. I guess that depends on the editor. If you’re one that favours subtle editing with invisible cuts - definitely nightmare. Your loss, I say. I think if there is ever a time and place for editing to be the star of the show it’s during a music video and you couldn’t ask for a more appropriate, awesome song. The concept was a gamble though, for sure. Because no matter how much footage you shoot you’re just crossing your fingers, hoping that it’s all going to come together. Well, I think it did. Very, very well.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeWBS0JBNzQ

She could have done anything. Anything. You have to remember that when she burst onto the scene she did so with the first must-see music videos in a long time. People thought the very idea of the music video had exhausted itself and perhaps even died. MTV didn’t even play them anymore let alone other channels. But YouTube was just sitting there and she threw everything she had at it. She not only filled a void but did so with something no one had done in ages - the nearly twenty minute short film/music video combo. She brought these back in such a big bad way that I think we often forget that they didn’t exist for a solid fifteen years there. These became Gaga’s signature. Her video speciality. And so, to the surprise of no one, every other single from this album was accompanied by a music video that featured more players, locations, costumes, sets, choreography, props, camera set ups, and sheer atmosphere than most feature films (not so much a compliment). But, and I have no idea why, she went old school on this one. It’s not like the song is a stripped down ballad that is begging not to be burnt by an extravaganza. It’s a big song with a big sound that lent itself to a big video. But no. She went simple. One undisguised back lot location. One outfit. One wig. A little smoke. Unrehearsed dance moves. Just her and one ever important (as they all are) sax player. Yet the sum of all these parts continues to entertain the hell out of me. And she’s to thank. They would be nothing without her. She showed us, in case we had any doubt, that the only thing she needs to make an epic video is herself. It’s not what the wind is blowing - it’s the wind. And she’s a force of nature, this woman. I don’t know how she does it. Anyone else would look incredibly ridiculous doing what she does, especially this, and we would probably be laughing at her. But she brings so much damn confidence, passion and courage to it all. She knows that whatever it may be at any given moment it just has to be done and she has to be the one to do it. Although, since she’s making up what she does as she goes along here, it is cute to spot her in those slightest of moments when she looks unsure of what to do or where to step next. But that's all because she wants a sense of spontaneity happening here. An air of improv. Which is rare for her but I think she’s actually having fun with it. Especially when it really works. Look no further than my favourite moment, which begins at 3:32 when she’s on the fire escape. The saxophone takes over and she doesn’t have to sing. So she’s dancing a bit, probably wondering what to do until she has to sing again… and then grabs hold of the railing… and just starts banging her head back and forth in time with the music. (Did you think I was going to say against the railing?) She’s so caught up in the music that it just overtakes her and she rocks the fuck out. I love it. It’s awesome. Her fist goes up and joins in, pumping to the beat. And for just a single second she smiles. She catches herself, though, and quickly purses her lips as she goes back into ‘character’. The last thing worth pointing out is how much I love this song on it’s own. It’s one of my absolute favourites of hers. Top five. So I doubt anyone is as pleased with how much they love the video as well as me... alright, maybe there's like a couple hundred million of us.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCYtesyE7OA

Covering a song that was a huge top forty hit leaves you with a unique music video challenge because there’s already been one. In this case, one most people are very familiar with and fond of. Maybe that’s why they just went with the traditional, seemingly easy setup of her performing the song on stage with a band and back up singers to an empty audience. Or maybe since it’s not an original song of hers she had less of an operatic narrative to tell. Because, like Gaga, Paloma’s videos are almost always lavish productions. Or maybe since this cover was originally recorded not for anyone’s album but for a John Lewis advertising campaign this is simply what their marketing department cooked up. Or maybe nobody had any money. We will never know. Whatever the reason, the video everyone ended up with is, to my eyes, one of the most stunning ever. Proof that all you need is Faith.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SKm8b4WABY

I could go on for an hour about how much I love Ellen Foley and how her album ‘Nightout’ is one of my all time favourites which single handedly changed my mind about cover songs. But I’ll just keep it about this video. It’s unlike anything else on this list for so many reasons but one above all - they’re actually playing live. So this is it’s own recording of the song and not the one you hear on the album. Normally that would drive me crazy. Ninety nine percent of the time I just want the exact version of the song I listened to and fell in love with on the album. But that’s not the case here. Not with Ellen. She’s the one percent. The energy. The voice. Those expressions. That pinnie or jersey or whatever it is. Everything she brings to this Rolling Stones cover is so impressive that it’s no longer a Stones song when she’s done with it. It belongs to her now. And who has ever had a better time than that piano player? The whole thing feels like a Little Rascals, spit and glue situation. I mean, where are they even set up? The back of a Denny’s? And who edited this thing? Because they were years ahead of their time. There is some seriously awesome mid-80s MTV editing going on and this was released in ’79. It’s a music video from a time when people were still figuring out what a music video was or could be. They were still experimenting. Throwing all the darts at the board to see what would stick. Everyone has their own example of one video that hit their bullseye and this is mine. I love it. It’s my favourite.

Saturday, April 25, 2020

TIM BURTON.
a ranking

by Hunter Jon

He meant a lot to me growing up. First and foremost there was Spielberg, of course, but then there was Burton. Steven made you feel like you were cool and fit in with the crowd because everyone knew him and you could talk to anyone about his stuff. But Tim made you feel ok when the crowd got too much and you just wanted to be alone. Tim was there for you every time your parents said, “Sorry, he’s just shy.” He was there for you when you found out she liked the other guy. He was there for you when you didn’t look like everyone else. He was there for you when that invitation never came. I could go on and on about how he accomplished this. About what he means to a generation of misfits and odd ones out. But those interested in reading that dissection wouldn’t need to read it. If you’re a Lydia, a Vincent, a Sally, an Edward, a Selina or so on - than you already know. Besides, I’d rather not as I suspect it would be hard for me. I might get mixed up and emotional. Because I don’t know Tim anymore. I don’t recognize him. So either I, in my youth, projected someone onto him that he never was or he has changed. I’m just talking about Burton the artist, I should point out. That’s the only face of his I know or have the right to think that I do. But I look into the eyes of that face and they aren’t the ones I knew. So that makes me a little sad. I must admit that. But that’s on me. That’s for me to deal with. He didn’t do anything wrong and I’m certain he doesn’t care what some face that isn’t his actual one looked or looks like to me. He’s got money to count and sad things to draw. Luckily for me the tales he told that mean so much to me have not gone anywhere. They are still there for me whenever I need them. Sometimes I don’t even need to watch them. All I have to do is remember. Remember watching a rebellious loner go on a big adventure every day after school for a year. Remember being thrilled and frightened by a bat, a cat and a bird. Remember a name I should not say three times but desperately want to. Remember a movie premiere in the pouring, black and white rain. And, most fondly of all, remember a boy with a big heart who just wasn’t finished.

Here is my ranking of every movie directed by Tim Burton that I have seen. From least favourite down to most. Each one is rated out of four stars.

ALICE IN WONDERLAND (2010) *1/2

PLANET OF THE APES (2002) **

DUMBO (2019) **

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY (2005) **

DARK SHADOWS (2012) **

MISS PEREGRINE’S HOME FOR PECULIAR CHILDREN (2016) **

BIG EYES (2014) **

FRANKENWEENIE (2012) **1/2

SWEENEY TODD: THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET (2007) **1/2

MARS ATTACKS! (1996) **1/2

SLEEPY HOLLOW (1999) **1/2

CORPSE BRIDE (2005) ***

BATMAN (1989) ***

BATMAN RETURNS (1992) ***

FRANKENWEENIE (1984) ***

PEE-WEE’S BIG ADVENTURE (1985) ***

BIG FISH (2003) ***

BEETLEJUICE (1988) ***

VINCENT (1982) ***1/2

ED WOOD (1994) ***1/2

EDWARD SCISSORHANDS (1990) ****