SHE COULDN’T

DO ANOTHER CHRISTMAS.

In December, she was born.

She did her first Christmas.

She wrote things down.

She smoked.

She was Vogue and he was Time.

She did another Christmas.

Run River sold eleven copies.

In March, the baby was theirs and named Quintana Roo.

They laughed, I’m sure.

She wrote with him, a movie about a Park.

She had vertigo and nausea.

She did another Christmas.

She continued to write things down.

She broke down.

In 1979, The White Album.

Her head often hurt.

Mother and daughter did an ad for Gap.

She did another Christmas.

She liked California a lot, I think.

She was the most beautiful.

She wrote a flat Redford script.

But other things, too.

Quintana Roo went into a coma.

She did another Christmas.

Five days later, he died.

The Year of Magical Thinking.

In August, her daughter died.

And Blue Nights.

Seana McKenna played her on a stage.

She did another Christmas.

She still wrote things down.

S. Laumann painted the definitive portrait.

She modelled.

Her nephew made a movie about her.

In December, she died.

Mum said, “She couldn’t do another Christmas.”

FROM JILL.

ALMOST

CHRISTMAS

POSTERS.

THE SOUND

OF A PROBLEM.

a friendly reminder

from Hunter Jon

“The Sound of Music”, based on the hit stage musical from 1959, was released in 1965 and could not have been more of a success. It rescued 20th Century Fox after the colossal financial disaster of “Cleopatra” two years prior. And it was, in my eyes, the swan song of Old Hollywood (with “Bonnie and Clyde” essentially launching the New Hollywood two years later). It won five Academy Awards, including Best Picture. If you adjust for inflation, it made over two billion dollars at the box office. Despite facing much criticism (mostly for its sappy tone and historical inaccuracies) it has an undeniably endurable legacy; it’s one of the most celebrated, iconic movies ever made.

It has also become a holiday tradition. Its songs, mainly “My Favourite Things”, have been covered on dozens of Christmas albums. The “… Live!” version from 2013 starring Carrie Underwood aired on December 5th. An entirely separate live performance was broadcast in the UK on December 20th, 2015. In 2019, Disney+ made the original movie available to its subscribers on November 12th, just in time for American Thanksgiving. And the always popular “Sing-Along” screenings that occur all over the world are usually hosted during the holiday season.

… but why?

None of this (very long) movie takes place during Christmastime. The word “Christmas” is never spoken. “The Sound of Music” is not a Christmas movie. Not hard. Not soft. Not in any way - no matter how you look at it. Nor is it a holiday movie of any kind (unless you count Oktoberfest). Yet the few times I’ve pointed this out to people I’m usually met with: “Sure it is.” They think about it for a moment and swear there is at least one Christmas scene. “Doesn’t Maria make the kids Christmas outfits out of the curtains or something?” No. She makes them outfits out of curtains, yes. But not Christmas ones (whatever those would be). Then they point out that “My Favourite Things” is a Christmas song. No, it’s not. Yes, it features the following lyrics:

“…warm woollen mittens…”

“… brown paper packages tied up with strings…”

“… doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles…”

“… snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes…”

“… silver white winters that melt into springs…”

(and “Edelweiss” does feature this one line:

“… blossom of snow may you bloom and grow…”)

… but to say those are Christmas references is a stretch. Why has it been featured on so many Christmas albums, then? I don’t know. Ask Barbra Streisand. I believe she’s mostly responsible for the trend.

Some will go so far as to insist that a Christmas tree is featured somewhere in the movie. They’re absolutely sure of it. But there isn’t a single one - trust me. Plenty of pine trees... but not one is decorated.

To be fair, there are snowy scenes. But you climb every mountain high enough and you’re bound to encounter some snow.

So why do a majority of people think of or flat-out wrongfully remember

“The Sound of Music” as being a Christmas movie?

Here’s what I think happened:

Back in the day, the BBC bought the UK rights to the movie for a record 4.1 million doll hairs and first aired it on December 25th, 1978. As of 2016, they’d aired it fifteen more times, mostly during Christmastime. Across the pond, ABC has aired the movie the Sunday before Christmas for the past nineteen years. I guess the initial thinking was: what’s a lengthy, cheery, cozy, romantic movie that the whole family can enjoy during the holiday season? Y’know, preferably one that isn’t in black & white. And if you go back to 1978 (or even 2002), pickings were slim. There simply wasn’t the vast landscape of Christmas classics that stands before us today. Therefore, the adventures of the von Trapps and their singing governess was a perfect fit… despite having absolutely nothing to do with the season being celebrated.

So combine the fact that when ever shown on television it’s usually during the holidays with its songs being featured on Christmas albums (thanks, Babs) and you get the most beloved Christmas classic that never was.

Now let’s all sing the laziest lyric in the history of musical theatre:

“Sew, a needle pulling thread!

   La, a - uh… note to follow So!”

TRIMMED.

THE ONES

I USED TO KNOW.

a countdown

by Hunter Jon

I start listening to Christmas music on December 1st, and as far back as I can remember I’ve always kicked things off with the same song: “White Christmas” by Bing Crosby.

Here’s a wee illustration for ya…

December 1st, 2002. My family’s first Christmas in a new home. I was twelve. I wanted Bing’s rendition to begin playing the moment everyone sat down at the table for dinner - right on cue as we began to eat and be merry. However, the CD player was a few feet away from my usual spot at the table. I didn’t want to get up, press play, and be sitting back down when the song started. I wanted to be seated and for the song to just start, as if by magic. Then I remembered the CD player had initially come with a small remote. It took quite a search to find it, and a greater search to find batteries that fit it, but both were accomplished. Making sure the remote worked and getting the volume just right were tricky, because I was so strict with myself - I couldn’t hear even two seconds of the song beforehand, otherwise that all-important first listen of the year would be ruined. I didn’t tell anyone my plan. I wanted it to be a surprise. I made sure to memorize the feel of the play button so that I could press it without looking. Then, after my mum served dinner and everyone was seated, I, with the remote hidden under the table but aimed at the CD player, pressed play. The delicate, etherial opening tinkles of “White Christmas” filled the dining room… and Bing began to croon about a dream. It remains one of the few things in my life to go perfectly.

Here are some wee facts for ya…

“White Christmas” was written by Irving Berlin (whose birth name is Israel Beilin and was, naturally, Jewish) for the movie “Holiday Inn”, released in 1942, starring Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire. It won Best Original Song at the 15th annual Academy Awards.

However, it was first performed by Bing live on December 25th, 1941 - a few weeks after the bombing of Pearl Harbor. Unsurprisingly, it continued to resonate quite profoundly with listeners throughout WWII.

When they did record the song, the session lasted 18 minutes.

It did quite poorly at first commercially (perhaps because it was released during the summer), but grew to be such a beloved hit that they built a whole movie around it, also starring Crosby, called “White Christmas”.

Most recordings omit the original first verse:

“The sun is shining, the grass is green,

the orange and palm trees sway.

There’s never been such a day

in Beverly Hills, L.A..

But it’s December the twenty-fourth,

and I am longing to be up North…” 

If the internet is to be believed, “White Christmas” is the most recorded Christmas tune in history, and Bing’s original is the best selling single of all time. By my count, 24 covers of the song have been released this year alone. None of this really surprises me. It is, in my humble opinion, the quintessential Christmas song.

It captures the coziness of Christmas that I believe all who celebrate it long for. Musically, it somehow sounds like snow falling. I have no idea how this is achieved, but it is. Lyrically, it manages to look back and forward at the same time. One way with nostalgia and the other with optimism. These suggest that the current holiday season is not the best it could be - and that will always be relatable. Perhaps this is why the song is truly timeless; snow will always fall and the new year will always promise better days ahead, just like the ones we used to know.

Here are my favourite versions of “White Christmas”.

RED, WHITE & GREEN.