THE WOODYS.

My favourite movie characters are The Tramp and Sheriff Woody. I collect all things relating to the latter. Naturally, I’ve got a few Christmas ornaments in that collection. They go on the tree every year, and some date all the way back to the year the first movie came out. I have more Woodys on my tree than any other character. So I thought I’d share (and grade) them.

It’s a cool idea and well executed - it’s meant to be a Woody version of a traditional bulb ornament. It works. He’s not only Funko Pop adorable, but they included the red checks on his shirt, which you hardly ever get on smaller Woody merchandise (there’s usually the indented, lined implication of checks, but no red colour). The big question must’ve been: what do we do with his arms? They couldn’t have them sticking out in any way; they’d crack off after one Christmas. So crossed arms is a nice, simple solution. And I like his sly smile, which you kinda have to look closely to see.

A-

The first of two to come from a cereal box. This is the classic Woody design, which I appreciate, lankiness and all. I love his posture, with a tip of the hat and a lean. I don’t have too much else to say, because as far a flat ornaments and Woody figures go, this one is near perfect. It’s holds a top ten place in my whole collection (although some of that is nostalgia at work). Plus, it’s the only one of this bunch that’s actually Christmas themed. Oh, but I hate pictures of myself, something that clearly dates back to childhood, so in lieu of centring me (or anyone else) in the wreath, I put in a fabulous drawing of the Sheriff himself done by yours truly. So two Woodys for the price of one Rice Krispies box.

A

I love a good PEZ, but Woody looks half in the bag here. It’s actually a common problem with a lot of his merch - any time they attempt eyelids it backfires. It’s a pretty good hat, though, eh? This isn’t even an ornament, by the way. It’s just a regular PEZ. I had one too many Woody ones laying around (as you do) and decided one should go on the tree. I wrapped a hangery thing around his neck and - voilà!

C

Clearly cereal box prizes have cheapened over the years, as this hardly compares to the second entry on this list. They couldn’t even afford to cut out the space between his arm and hat. And this makes the biggest mistake any toy-like ornament can make - it has a base. No ornament should ever have, nor ever needs, a base so that it can stand up on its own. It’s going to be hanging from a friggin’ branch… and once it is, the base is useless and looks stupid. I can’t stress this enough, Hallmark - stop making bases! Anyway, it’s an adequate design beyond that. There’s actually a surprising amount of detail (buttons, collar, belt buckle, pattern on holster) for such a small figure. And his face actually looks like Woody with minimal features and expression. Nice. Although his hat looks more sombrero than cowboy, doesn’t it?

B-

I made this. I’ll repeat that. I made this. I was five, but that’s no excuse. Look at this fucking thing. Woody’s gained a couple, eh? Especially in his head. I didn’t even have the decency to give him a neck, let alone the bandana that’s supposed to be around it. And things have only gotten worse for him over the years. He lost his right leg at the knee and his waist is coming undone, revealing a glob of silver glitter glue-gun glue that isn’t doing him any favours. My sister still hasn’t let me live this one down. I don’t blame her. That’s a sorry hat.

D+