LET’S SLEEP IN THE TREEHOUSE TONIGHT.

a pick six

by Haunt-er Jon

Some traditions are handed down to you. Others might be shared with loved ones. But some are yours and yours alone. I don’t know anyone around me who watches “Treehouse of Horror” segments annually. But personally, it’s not quite Halloween without them.

There’s something thrilling about scary things when you’re young. I’m not talking about things so scary that they traumatize you. I’m talking about things that make you instantly cover your eyes… until you peer through your fingers. I’m mostly talking, of course, about movies and TV shows. And at the top of the list of “introductory scary things” in my life, right beside anything that had Tim Burton’s name on it, were the Halloween themed “Treehouse of Horror” anthology episodes of “The Simpsons”. This was, of course, back when said episodes were designed to be as scary as they were funny (now, from the little I’ve seen, they mostly aim for laughs). I was a real scaredy-cat kid, so first viewings, especially of the earliest installments, really frightened me. But, again, in a thrilling way. I was hooked and wanted more. 

So much so that the prospect of seeing an episode quickly superseded that of free candy and the general joy of trick ‘r treating. We’re talking the days before episodes of any kind were available on home video formats, so you caught them when you could. And even if the new “Treehouse…” episode didn’t drop exactly on Halloween (it would usually be released on the closest Sunday), you could always rely on some channel to be playing at least one of them in syndication on the big night. It began with cutting the quest for candy short and getting home in time to tune in. But eventually, tuning in became paramount and I skipped the costumed hike altogether. It was probably around the same time most kids stop trick ‘r treating anyway, but the fact that I was happily staying home of my own accord didn’t seem to be the case with other kids I knew. And, as a growing teen, the choice between a “Treehouse of Horror” and hooliganing around smashing pumpkins or sneaking booze into some costume party wasn’t no choice at all. 

When all was said and done and I reached the age where I was now the one handing out candy, I decided to make my annual viewing part of the festivities. Partly because I wanted to watch episodes while giving out candy. Partly because it was a fun and unique addition to the decorative display. So each year I would lug my sister’s tiny TV with a DVD player built into the base down to the porch and, with the help of a Rubbermaid bin covered by a autumnal table cloth and one hell of an extension cord, would run “Treehouse…” episodes all night.

I’ve since settled into a new tradition. Each Halloween night you can usually find me at some revue cinema somewhere in the city attending a retro screening of some so-called ‘cult’ classic that compliments the occasion. But I still find myself watching “Treehouse…” segments throughout all of October, because nothing puts me in the spooky spirit of the season more.

Here are my six favourites.

(I’ve included the appropriate amount of honourable mentions)

“Homer³ (aka Homer Cubed)”

TREEHOUSE OF HORROR VI

I actually first saw this on a school field trip to the Ontario Science Centre. It was back when, I believe, it housed the only IMAX screen in the city. An edited version of this segment is featured in the movie “CyberWorld” from 2000, which was an early IMAX exclusive. I knew “The Simpsons”. I loved “The Simpsons”. But I’d somehow missed this episode. So when Homer literally walked into the third dimension my head exploded. Seeing these characters on the big screen, let alone an IMAX one, was exciting enough. But then suddenly there was one looking all Pixar-y. It filled me with a kind of joy and excitement I’ve rarely felt. I would go on to catch the whole thing on TV years later. I’d learn all about how it’s based on a “The Twilight Zone” episode called “Little Girl Lost”, which, of course, inspired “Poltergeist”. I’d listen to the DVD commentary. I’d watch all the little featurettes. I now know this one inside and out. But thankfully that hasn’t caused it to lose its lustre, because every time I watch it I’m still filled with the warm fuzzies and reminded of the best field trip ever. Yes, even better than Pioneer Village.

“House of Whacks”

TREEHOUSE OF HORROR XII

Long before I ever saw “2001: A Space Odyssey”, I saw the television episodes that parodied it. And whenever it was illogical or impossible to send the characters to space, they always brought Hal home: a killer house that swapped ghosts for a robot-gone-wrong. There must have been a least a dozen of these throughout my childhood. An episode of the “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids” TV show comes to mind. The idea had always captured my imagination to a great degree. So I was delighted when “The Simpsons” got around to doing one, even more so when it turned out so good. For me, it’s a definite stand-out during this era of episodes, “Treehouse…” or otherwise, and it might be the last segment that showcased any actual sense of spookiness. Pierce Brosnan remains a random but brilliant choice.

“The Thing and I”

TREEHOUSE OF HORROR VII

This episode came along when the show was at the peak of its powers, propelled by perfectly directed animation and the best writing on television. Period. As a result, the third segment, “Citizen Kang”, being so timely and politically charged, seemingly got and continues to get all the attention. While it’s wonderful and features some razor sharp satire, it’s this simpler, scrappier, and certainly scarier first segment that is the clear stand-out to me. It never leaves the Simpsons’ house, bringing the terror into the comfort of your own home. This always gives me the willies. It might be the best reason to “stay out of the attic” ever. The mystery is effective, too. It genuinely kept me guessing the first time around, if I remember correctly. For years I assumed it ripped-off some schlocky horror movie I’d never seen or heard of. While there are plenty of “Basket Case” similarities, it’s more of an original than I ever imagined. And when it comes to being scary and funny, it’s probably the most well balanced out of all my picks. It’s also unequivocally most quotable.

“The Shinning”

TREEHOUSE OF HORROR V

“The Shining” came later. This came first. And I know I’m not alone. Sure, it spoils the whole damn movie. But how can you complain when it’s satire this sweet? It’s funny if you haven’t seen the movie. It’s brilliant if you have. It still shocks me how short this whole segment is. Like everything (and all these segments, for that matter), it seemed longer as a kid. So it’s all the more impressive to me that they hit every story beat they needed to and lost little in the contraction. It’s an argument for short filmmaking in general. In fact, it’s so fucking good at spoofing all the movie’s key moments/elements that I think it’s the sole reason you haven’t seen any direct “Shining” send-ups in various “Scary Movie”-type movies. Simpsons did it. And did it really, really well.

“The Raven”

TREEHOUSE OF HORROR I

Just when we thought they’d reached the limits of how sophisticated and clever an animated sitcom could be, they dropped this into our laps. It introduced a generation, myself included, to not only this poem but Poe himself. Using the original text and nothing but took courage and extreme restraint, as the only jokes this allowed them to throw in were slight visual ones. In theory, it should have bored and confused kids. Yet we were inthralled and just a wee bit terrified. It also features some of the entire show’s best animation and is one of Dan’s finest performances - he truly can take Homer anywhere. Not only does it hold up, it gets better and better with age.

“Hungry Are the Damned”

TREEHOUSE OF HORROR I

I must admit, I’ve never seen the infamous “To Serve Man” episode of “The Twilight Zone” that this takes its cue from. But that’s just further proof that you don’t always need to be in on the in-joke(s) for something to work. Kang and Kodos are such great characters that it’s hard to imagine the show without them, despite such limited appearances, and they come out of the gate that way in this segment. Can you think of a better execution of the pitch ‘the Simpsons get abducted by aliens’? I can’t. They nail everything in this, especially the ending, which is a wise reminder that although lovable from the inside, this family really is meant to be insufferably dysfunctional on the outside.

“The Devil and Homer Simpson”

TREEHOUSE OF HORROR IV

In my eyes, it’s the definitive, quintessential ‘Treehouse’ segment. It leaves no box unchecked before it is even iced. Sure, like most segments, its basic plot springboards off of an older classic, in this case 1941’s “The Devil and Daniel Webster”, based on the short story by Stephen Vincent Benet. But once that’s out of the way, it’s bursting with originality, which, let’s be honest, is pretty rare for these. From the character designs of Devil Flanders to Donut-Headed Homer, to gags and set pieces that not only take full advantage of these being fantasy “what if” tales that exist outside of canon, but also of the medium of animation in general (case in point: Homer’s endless donut-eating punishment). I believe they’ve made action figures and playsets of all of the above, which goes to show just how iconic, beloved, or merely memorable this one is. It also features something else very rare for these segments: heart. The ending features the kind of last minute heartfelt twist usually reserved for a traditional Homer-&-Marge-in-love episode. This, for me, puts it over the top and makes it my all time favourite.

Happy Halloween.

ASSORTED

TRICKS AND TREATS.

PINHEAD SOLD

SEPARATELY.

by Hunter Jon

With due respect to all others, I consider there to be six major slasher franchises that lead the way. Each features a killer so iconic that even those who haven’t seen a single installment would probably recognize them. Perhaps even be able to name them. They’re the A-Team of the genre. And although their first outings are often considered their best, that’s not always the case when it comes to my personal preferences.

So here are my favourite installments in each franchise that stars one of the big six baddies. I’ve rated each out of four stars.

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3: DREAM WARRIORS (1987) ***

Beyond its great set-up, I’m not really a fan of 1. I think even less of 2. But this works for me in every way possible. Bringing Nancy back as a psychiatrist totally works. The setting, premise and eventual execution all work. And letting Freddy have some fun certainly works. They bite off a ton here, stylistically and narratively, yet never choke - unlike everything after this, which fell over and died if you ask me. The special effects are still impressive as hell and the authentic examination of an ensemble of mentally ill teenagers only gets more meaningful with age. Watching those who survive transform into ‘warriors’ is moving and empowering. Plus, the soundtrack, both score and title track, rock. It’s everything I could ask for in a “Nightmare”.

SCREAM (1996) **1/2

You have to remember, this wasn’t a case of tongue-in-cheek, it was tongue-through-cheek. That had never actually been done before. And it was done just well enough. Certainly memorably enough. So when you hit the ground with something that fresh, it stands to reason anything that follows is gonna come up stale. And that’s exactly what the sequels are to me - incredibly so. (For the record, I find 4 most tolerable) They also painted themselves into one too many corners by sticking with the whole who-is-the-killer climax, which is destined to do nothing but disappoint. Who knows what the future has in store, but as of writing this, 1 easily wins in my book.

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VI: JASON LIVES (1986) ***

The first is what it is: a great set piece with a memorable twist ending followed by a killer jump scare. Using those as a jumping off point, we got four more. Other than the evolution of Jason himself, I find these have very little to offer that we didn’t get the first time around. Then, suddenly, one with an actual personality comes along and makes it all worthwhile. And I’m not just talking about the fact that it’s humorously irreverent and self-aware. I’m talking about liking and therefore caring about the victims for once. I’m talking about a surprisingly investing romance. I’m talking about kids actually being at Crystal Lake for the first time. I’m talking about actual tension. Yes, there are plenty of gags, but take a step back and you’ll see that the bigger picture wisely takes its mythology seriously and does its best to honour it. It’s fan-service heavy before the term even existed. I think most of this is thanks to director Tom McLoughlin, who also holds sole writing credit here. He really had a clean vision for this and it shows. For once there was only one cook in the kitchen and he knew exactly what to serve up.

HALLOWEEN (1978) ***1/2

Initially, this was merely about doing “Black Christmas” over again on a different holiday. Except they did so with the skill of Hitchcock, causing an unprecedented success. But sometimes simplicity reigns supreme. Often, in fact. And that success led to a kind of slasher soap opera that got super dense, which, while kinda fun to follow and figure out, mostly bogs things way down. Here, though, you’ve got something sublime and so much of that has to do with how simple it all is. Masterfully crafted, yes - every frame. But still so simple. Which is all encompassed in The Shape himself, from mask to manner. I don’t have to go into any more detail about why it’s the series highlight - you already know why. I will, however, thank Debra Hill. Thanks, Debra.

CHILD’S PLAY (1988) ***

CHILD’S PLAY 2 (1990) ***

It’s a TIE, folks. Very different movies, yet I enjoy both equally. Perhaps that’s why, actually - because of the differences in tone and plot. The second isn’t trying to succeed where the first did and that’s why it succeeds. The only thing that carries over are characters and quality, causing an irresistible consistency. And first you get Catherine Hicks as the most kick-ass mom ever, then you’re treated to Christine Elise as the most kick-ass foster sister ever. I can’t watch 1 without watching 2. Maybe that says it all right there. Anyone else would have just given the doll to another kid, but Mancini knew exactly where to take things and, evidently, still does. Alex and Chucky’s relationship will always be the core and heart of this series. Don knows that and used it to thread the needle so well between these two that they nearly work best as one - one that hasn’t been matched. Although “Bride” and “Curse” come close, in my opinion.

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (1974) ***

You can’t match this atmosphere. It just feels like it’s happening in front of you. It’s hard to comprehend that this was a ‘production’ of any kind, complete with a crew, call times, craft service, etc. It’s that visceral. That scary. That real. It succeeds on a ‘convincing the audience’ level that is usually reserved for found footage. And then on top of all that it has a hell of a lot to say about the American dream, the working class, and, most importantly, family. I don’t get any of that from the sequels, remakes, or prequels... (ok, to be fair, ‘2’ is plenty about family). It’s that rare beauty: absolute chaos handled with expert care. Hooper not daring to recapture its spirit with the sequel is a testament to how special, and untouchable, it is.

OTHER OCCURRENCES.

THIRTY ONE.