YOU SAY CARMUL,

I SAY CARAMEL

… PART 2.

a pick six

by Hunter Jon

This post follows this one:

http://almostentertainment.blogspot.com/2021/01/you-say-carmul-i-say-caramel-part-1.html

Here are my six favourite non-horror segments from anthology movies.

(I’ve included the appropriate amount of honourable mentions)

from EROS (2004)

I can only assume most people were a little disappointed by this segment given the talent at play. But three things about it continue to delight me: the cinematography, the mystery of what’s distracting Arkin, and the overall idea that the guy who thought up the ‘snooze button’ is under so much pressure to top himself with his next invention that he needs therapy. It’s quite a funny (and random) concept that’s never played for laughs… making it all the funnier.

from SEVEN WOMEN, SEVEN SINS (1986)

Chantal Akerman often blurred the line between ‘documentary’ and ‘narrative’. But she flat-out erases it here, because who knows what to call this scrumptious slice of her life.

The moment she forces herself to drink a full glass of vitamin filled water is a brief but perfect display of her sly comedic capabilities. For more like this, might I recommend her TV movie “L’homme à la valise”. She fucking hilarious in that.

Fun-fact: Godard also made a short entitled “Sloth” about a supremely lazy person. In both, that character can’t be bothered to tie their own shoes.

from CALIFORNIA SUITE (1978)

For an industry so seemingly obsessed with awards season, especially The Oscars, you’d think such events would pop up in movies much more than they do. Perhaps that kind of scrutiny is too close to home for Hollywood. But Simon & Ross go ahead with it anyway, and their observations are humorous and shrewd. Caine’s character being gay and their marriage being one of pure convenience is particularly on-point, not to mention another common Hollywood taboo so rarely referenced.

Things get head-hurtingly meta when you consider that Smith won an Academy Award for this.

from NIGHT ON EARTH (1991)

Casting Directors are so rarely acknowledged in real life let alone portrayed in any kind of media, and this manages to capture the essence of their profession perfectly. How refreshing that Ryder’s character has zero interest in being famous to any extent. Apparently her role was originally written for Steve Buscemi. Thank God we got Winona, as she’s not only brilliant, but having the stark contrast between these two characters also be between two women adds a nice layer.

from YESTERDAY, TODAY AND TOMORROW (1963)

The ‘tomorrow’ of this title usually gets all the attention thanks to Loren in lingerie, but I like the first act best. It’s the adorable and heartwarming story of a woman having child after child after child in order to stay out of prison, much to the chagrin of her exhausted husband. It gives Sophia the opportunity to shine comedically and the fun she’s having bleeds into her performance. It’s wonderful and infectious.

from COFFEE AND CIGARETTES (2003)

Jarmusch always makes simplicity look so easy. It’s not. Trust me.

Originally a stand alone short from 1989 called “Coffee and Cigarettes II”, I think it works even better as the strongest piece of a so-so whole.

I find myself reiterating the Elvis theory put forth in this every chance I get. It fits his history too well to resist.

from EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX *BUT WERE AFRAID TO ASK (1972)

Firstly, two words: Burt and Reynolds.

It’s as clever as it is funny, which is always an irresistible combination. Was Woody the first to do this sort of thing - take the microscopic world of biology and bring it to life as a well-oiled corporate machine…? Probably not. But he might have been the first to do it this well. This may sound odd, but I feel “A Bug’s Life” is greatly indebted to this.

from NEW YORK STORIES (1989)

People often consider this whole movie a bust considering its three directors. I mostly agree, but believe Scorsese’s segment to be either overlooked or underrated. It’s one of his few unabashedly romantic outings, without the usual two hours of gangster/genre chuffa suffocating it. It’s also one of his few portraits of an artist, making it all the more from the heart. And you might think Nolte would be terribly miscast as a sensitive painter type. You’d be wrong.

If you’re on an 80s Marty binge and enjoying that long lost flavour, don’t forget to pop this bite-sized treat in.

from WILD TALES (2014)

I love a good cartoon rivalry (Tom & Jerry, Wylie & Road Runner, etc) and this is one brought to life in a pretty expert way. The key to its success lies in two elements. One: us knowing so little about these two men that we’re not rooting for one over the other. This isn’t good vs. evil. It’s more Spy vs. Spy. But unlike all these comparable ‘toons, these wounds bleed. The stakes are life and death for once, keeping you on the edge of your seat with your jaw on the floor. Two: the actors, whose names I don’t even know, treating this thing as seriously as possible. Their commitment makes it work better than it should.

Oh, and you gotta love how real everything is. This could have so easily been ruined by even a single element of CGI, which was surely tempting.

from PARIS, JE T’AIME (2006)

Rather than critique this, I’m just gonna summarize it:

A man meets another man by chance by chance. He falls in love with him at first sight and believes they are soulmates. He confesses as much in a long monologue. The object of his affection says nothing, so the love-struck man leaves. Someone asks the man what the other said to him. He simply replies that he does not know, as he doesn’t speak the language he was speaking. But he can’t help but feel as though it was something profound… that he’s worth chasing after. So he catches up with the guy in the street, where they share a deep look into each other’s eyes. The end.

C’mon! I’m all warm and fuzzy inside just typing it out.

from NIGHT ON EARTH (1991)

Jim is clearly better at these things than anyone else (in my eyes, at least). This perfectly crafted piece packs one of the biggest emotional wallops in any movie ever. It’s a profound testament to everybody having a story that will break your heart - and most likely make your own tale of woe seem awfully trivial. If it doesn’t make you believe in the power of love, who knows what will. One hell of a sobering way to welcome the dawn.

from THE MEANING OF LIFE (1983)

Python should be proud. It’s them at their absolute best, yet gleefully holds no hidden subtext or higher meaning - just silliness. Pure silliness. Which is really what they are at heart.

It’s a one-note joke with the grossest punchline imaginable. Which is to say not normally my kinda thing. But it’s so well executed in every possible way that here it sits at my number one. From the timing to the practical effects (which hold up well) to its cinematic composition - nothing so foul and disgusting has ever been such a thing of beauty. One would quickly lose the argument that it’s their finest movie moment, but they might win one stating that this is their most memorable and rewatched.

Credit where credit’s due: Carol Cleveland’s ditsy yet posh delivery of her line “I’m having rather heavy period” makes me laugh harder than anything.