JELLY BOWLS.

a ranking

by Hunter Jon

I think it’s about time we take a look at my nine favourite portrayals of Santa Claus. Not including characters merely dressed up as Santa, naturally. Real Kringles only.

Edward Asner has played Santa, or someone disguised as Santa, quite a few times.

Here’s the list:

The Christmas Star (1986)

The Story of Santa Claus (1996) [voice]

Olive, the Other Reindeer (1999) [voice]

Elf (2003)

Elf: Buddy’s Musical Christmas (2014) [voice]

Murdoch Mysteries: A Merry Murdoch Christmas (2015)

Saving Christmas (2017)

A StoryBots Christmas (2017)

Santa Stole Our Dog: A Merry Doggone Christmas! (2017)

… ok, maybe I made that last one up.

Oh, wait. No, I didn’t…

But I’m here to talk about my favourite of all his Santa portrayals, which you’ll find in “Elf”.

Jon Favreau cast two sitcom icons from his youth in this movie. One was Bob Newhart. The other was Ed. It ends up working better than it looks on paper. You might worry he doesn’t carry that cozy St. Nick warmth. If anything, he’s more of a Scrooge, right? Thankfully, that’s not quite the case.

Firstly, they nailed the suit…

Simply committing to the classic look we all know and love was smart. As was keeping the red rich and bright. Seriously, high five to the costume designer. I also really like his look when he’s out of the suit…

What’s a downtime Santa without suspenders? And the beard is spot on; go big or go home.

Secondly - well, let’s be honest… when we think of Asner we think of him as our boss. So, in a movie told entirely from the perspective of an elf, that’s exactly what we need to see him as. Santa appears on screen and the audience thinks, “Hey, I know that guy - he’s the boss.” In that sense, Ed’s a brilliant choice. By casting one of the most iconic workplace bosses in all of pop culture, half of Favreau’s job is done before he even begins. It’s also really nice to see someone age appropriate playing Santa. We too often get a younger and more bankable actor made up to look like he’s eighty-something and it always looks stupid.

As for those must-have Santa qualities that Lou Grant lacks? Well, that’s when you’ve gotta remember what an incredible actor Asner is. He’s more than capable of turning on the jovial congeniality here, complete with a big boisterous “Ho Ho Ho”. However, every actor has their limits, and when you’re playing the big boss man to a tee, it’s very hard to have your cake and eat it too by also providing the child-like spirit and glint in your eye that all Santas need. Perhaps that’s where Ed comes up a little short. Just a little.

There’s nothing cutesy or precious about this movie nor its Santa. They boldly deviated drastically from the previous stop-motion Santa look that the world seemed to have settled on and delivered a character who, visually and characteristically, slipped seamlessly into their macabre, gothic world.

He’s a no bullshit Santa. One who takes charge, is often the sole voice of reason and, more than anything, damn dedicated to his job. On one hand he exhibits a necessary tenderness. You can easily picture him delicately wiping a tear from a child’s cheek and whispering, “Chin up, little one”. But you can just as easily see him turning to the father who caused that child’s tears and smacking him across the face like Vito Corleone.

Although, they cleverly made his starry-eyed faith in the good of mankind his Achilles heel, as he’s truly blindsided by Jack’s villainous hubris. He’s positively befuddled by his kidnapping, making it all the easier. You get the sense that he’s never been exposed to such cruel intentions, and is left with a bit of a hardened heart as he flies off to save Christmas. In fact, he seems kinda pissed off that he has to do so. So refreshing.

Ivory brings the big guns to the table, knowing exactly what the role needs, and the animators bring wonderful life to his unconventional but wholly appropriate portrayal.

I love how tiny his hands are.

You can complain that his take on Santa is too human. Merely that of a sweet grandfather figure. Or that him getting violent, while integral to the plot, is handled too seriously; suggesting a dark side to the character that simply shouldn’t exist. And you’re certainly allowed to bitch about the beard being too short. But all quibbles one may have aside, I must ask - can you even begin to imagine a single other actor playing this role circa ’94?

Truth is, Attenborough mostly fits this role like a glove. And where he doesn’t, he makes it his own and goes out of his way to avoid playing the character like a living cartoon. That’s rare and much appreciated on my end. If he lacks a little of the juvenile jolliness that others brought in spades, instead offering a more mature and mannered approach, I believe it’s intentional and for good reason. He knew this character was going to make the sudden switch from being a etherial legend draped in a red velvet cape…

… to a tweed suited man named Kris caught up in a courtroom drama…

… and was just trying to make that transition less jarring. Or perhaps I’m giving him far too much credit and he’s simply no Edmund Gwenn. Either way, he’s my seventh favourite Santa ever… and I believe that’s saying something.

I’ve always been fond of worlds in which Santa exists, yet isn’t the main focus of the fantastical story. This allows characters, when in a third-act pickle, to either call on or simply run into him, just in time for Santa to solve everything, impart a little wisdom, and be off again. If you ask me, this right here is the second greatest use of that trope.

I absolutely adore the look they settled on. You’ll notice that most beloved cartoon characters are those so simply designed that nearly any kid can approximate them on paper with little artistic skill. And that’s certainly the case with this Santa. I myself used to love to draw him. He was almost easier (and more fun) to draw than Frosty himself. I especially offer my compliments to whoever decided to keep his signature cap off for the majority of his appearance. And I enjoy Rankin & Bass’ stop-motion stuff as much as anyone, but I’m so glad they went with 2D animation here instead, because the result is beautiful. Seriously, rewatch this in the highest definition you can - it’s gorgeous.

And Frees’ performance? Booming. Warm. Wise. Perfect. His Santa reminds me of a grade school principal - the one you always wished for but never got. Even grown-ups come off like little kids in his presence, and, if need be, he’s quick to put them in their place with a stern talking to. If anything, he’s more likely to value a child’s thoughts on the matter than an adult’s.

He’s only on screen for only a minute or two, but you likely remember him being a supporting player throughout. That’s a job well done on all accounts.

Making Santa your lead character is tricky business. He usually works best as someone who comes in and out of these animated specials as need be. Telling a Santa origin story is even trickier. Some would argue him having one to begin with ruins all the fun and takes the mysticism out of his lore. That’s fair and I see their point. But the always reliable Rooney, some seriously good animators, a fetching romance and one really catchy tune about walking keep this thing irresistible through and through. And once you surrender to the concept, you’re treated to the undeniable thrill these origin stories inherently provide, as you get to watch the lead slowly but surely transform into a beloved character we’re all familiar with. They begin as a stranger and end as an icon.

Santa’s voice is usually that of a much older man and somewhere in the baritone/bass range. But here they’re faced with the challenge of Kris being quite young throughout most of the story. Rooney quickly solves this, though, by backing up his youthful exuberance with a ever growing gravitas. This way it seems natural when his voice deepens with age and eventually bears that classic gruff tone.

Making him a rich redhead was unexpected but utterly brilliant. It makes his young look distinctly memorable and his eventual going white all the more drastic and evident. And his look once he’s reached full Santa status is pretty flawless. Perhaps the chubbiest of all the Rankin/Bass stop-motion Santa’s, which is fine by me.

Mickey Rooney was such a hit in the role that he reprised it in three more specials, regardless of if they’re part of this canon or not. I think he just enjoyed being Santa - anytime, anyplace. I find this time of year to be a little richer as a result.

He’s a shoe-in for the first half of the movie. The most un-Santa like guy finds himself turning into Santa. So, yeah - of course you get Tim Allen. The real delightful surprise here is that once the transformation is complete and he’s fully Santa, Allen excels. In my opinion, at least. So much so that I’d happily watch a movie with him simply playing Santa the entire time. Sadly, both sequels found a way to revert the character back to plain old Tim Allen for their majority.

My appreciation of his performance makes me forgive the idea that in these movies anyone can land the job of Santa, and that there’ve been dozens if not hundreds throughout history. I hate that idea. It’s poppycock. And I’m not thrilled about how much advanced tech they equip Santa with. But I’m able to (mostly) get past all that thanks to how endearing Allen is.

Kudos, as well, the the various make-up teams that worked on the three movies. It’s all pretty seamless and helps ‘Tool Time’ Tim disappear completely. All I see is Santa. The key, I think, is that they never attempted age him up as if he’d magically grown old. He merely got heavy and his hair went white.

This series might be the closest thing to a kind of Santa soap opera there is, and I don’t mind saying that I find it pretty engrossing. Surely this is due to some decent storytelling. They’ve taken the character in some compelling and entertaining directions. We’ve seen him struggle with his own identity (over and over), fatherhood, divorce and then watched him, against all odds, find love again. When else has there been such serialized Santa drama and such an investing arc for the character? Layer in some seriously genuine laughs (“plain milk’s fine”) and I’m all in.

The sequels got admittedly lighter and lighter, aiming themselves at younger and younger audiences, and Allen adjusted his take ever so slightly to accommodate the increasing silliness around him. Still, I’ve always liked his Santa, whether embracing this tone…

… or this one…

Sure, the quality of the movies themselves can be hotly debated, which, depending on the day, you'll find me on either side of. But what I personally can’t deny is how continually watchable I find this series and its Santa.

Gwenn gets practically everything right here. The sparkle in his eyes. The youthful spirit. The charm. And his aesthetic is as good as you can get given what the plot allows (he does have to pass as an ordinary gentleman at times). He also brings an English accent to the role, which just feels right. When animated, we want Santa to be somewhere between a young Orson Welles and a jolly Darth Vader. But when live-action, you’re definitely expecting his voice to be a proper British one. I’m certain we have Edmund and Edmund alone to thank for that expectation.

He’s likely the finest actor to have played the role and it shows with every move he makes, big and small. He manages to display kindness, wisdom, mystery and humour - all with expert precision. It’s also notoriously difficult to create a rapport with a child actor, but Gwenn and Wood have more chemistry than the movie’s romantic leads.

He was a diminutive man, and even though there’s no attempt to hide that here (O’Hara towers over him), you hardly notice because his presence fills the screen. A more impressive feat? He tricks you into thinking you can see the rosiness of his cheeks, even the red of the suit, despite the movie being in black & white.

Miraculously, he makes all of this seem effortless. Like he’s not even trying. Like he truly is the one and only Santa Claus.

My first Santa, and I love everything about him. He looks perfect. He sounds perfect. He’s perfectly written and animated. It’s hard for me to tell if he perfectly matches the Santa I’ve always had in my head, or if he made such an impression on me at such a young age that he is the Santa I’ve always had in my head.

I think this characterization invented a ton of traits that are now just given when portraying Santa. His politician like presence, over-seeing all of the North Pole with a steady hand and keen eye. His celebrity status among its inhabitance. How he looks, acts and dresses the other 364 days of the year. Whether they’re conscious of it or not, nearly every actor that lays down a track for Santa’s voice is doing an impression of Francis. Those who aren’t were only hired because they sound like Francis to begin with. Stan basically established, and cemented, Santa’s voice.

Certain famous characters just have that definitive depiction. Karloff as The Monster. Johnny Depp as a pirate. They set the cultural standard and everything that comes after is imitation. And even more so than the constantly copied Coca-Cola iteration…

… this is everyone’s Santa Claus.

When it comes to movies and television, it’s extremely rare to have mythical figures, like angels, ghosts and the like, appear in otherwise straight-forward, grounded dramas that don't dip too deep into the fantasy genre. “It’s A Wonderful Life” is probably the best example of this done right. “One Magic Christmas” might be the second. Having Santa show up in this realistic, life-like story is courageous and exciting. To pull this off properly, you have to take Santa just as seriously as the rest of the movie. And that’s exactly what director Philip Borsos did.

Here are just a few reasons that Borsos and Rubeš’ take on the character is my favourite…

Right off the bat - perfect casting. Perfect. Rubeš knew you likely weren’t gonna recognize him, as he was a relatively unknown actor, allowing him to purely be Santa and never once come off like an actor playing Santa.

This is exactly how I want Santa to look, now and forever. With white hair so wild and a beard so long that you can’t tell where they end and the fluffy collar of his coat begins. And the whole Santa suit is spectacular. It sticks to the traditions we all want, but is slightly muted as to not come off too cartoony.

The way Mrs. Claus calls him Nicholas is heart-meltingly sweet. That actress knocked that line delivery outta the park.

The fact that even Santa, the man who knows and sees all, is getting a little forgetful, hinting at him probably being, like, a thousand years old.

His sack. None of this 'magically bottomless' business. Too many times have people felt the need to provide some kind of explanation as to how he fits all those toys in a single sack. I’ll tell you how - he just does. Because he’s Santa and he can do impossible things. This is the only time I’ve ever seen anyone attempt, despite all psychical impossibilities, to portray it this way. I totally buy that he’s got about a billion toys crammed into this thing…

The naughty and nice list. In literally every other live-action depiction, it’s a comically long scroll that never ends as it unfurls. Again, like a cartoon. But here, his infamous list is simply written down in a little notebook. It’s pages are all ruffled and yellowed, a few loose ones jammed in there, and Santa uses a very practical stub of a pencil to check things off.

His reindeer are simply real reindeer who happen to fly. They don’t talk or come from the Henson workshop or have lightbulbs for noses or anything. They’re just reindeer.

No fancy technology. Thank God. I never understood the point of gearing Santa up with all these new fangled gadgets and slick tech. Why does he need the help of all that crap? He’s got magic as old as time itself that he can use in any way he deems necessary. So I prefer the idea that Santa set up shop centuries ago and hasn’t changed a thing since. Borsos and Co. bring that idea to life beautifully. His workshop doesn’t have a single modern element to it. Just check out how he stores all those letters he’s received over the years…

And to access one on the top shelf he doesn’t strap on some elf-made jet-pack. He climbs the tallest (and oldest) ladder you’ve ever seen.

Now, we can’t go without praising Rubeš’ performance. If comedy is about timing, than acting is about choices. And Jan makes the right one every single time in his approach to Father Christmas, more so than anyone before or after him. There are basically two sides of Santa to choose from. You either play him as an animated, energetic, cookie-eating bumble who exudes a child-like wonder and zest for life that’s impossible to thwart. Or you go the route of a weary, soft spoken, tender giant who might just be the oldest, wisest man who’s ever been. The former is like the world’s biggest kid, whereas the latter is the world’s ultimate authority figure. In other words, he’s either Mork or he’s Yoda. You’ll find that most approaches enjoy pulling a little from either side, but end up leaning much closer to one than the other. Rubeš, however, with Borsos’ guidance, placed his Santa smack dab in the middle, giving us the absolute best of both worlds, and, in my humble opinion, the greatest version of Santa ever. Nothing about him nor his surroundings seem planned, manufactured, built or invented. It literally looks like the crew just went on location to the North Pole and had the honour of filming the real thing.

IGNORING

SIXFOLD SYMMETRY.

a playlist

Let it snow.

CHRISTMAS

HAS ME LISTENING.

We’re hit with a litany of new Christmas music every year. Full albums. Extended plays. Singles. Soundtracks. The market is flooded with them at the moment. And although I’m willing to give anything at least one listen, I find most of it incredibly procedural and forgettable. So each year I end up falling comfortably back into the never disappointing classics that I love.

However, one or two satisfactory, or better yet incredible, songs ripe for compilation inclusion are one thing. But creating an entire album that works best as a whole and can be listened to from top to bottom without the desire to skip a single track? Well, that’s something really special and worth celebrating. Especially at this time of year.

So here, in no particular order, are my all time favourite Christmas albums.

SOFT

CHRISTMAS SCENES.

a pick six

by Hunter Jon

So, a ‘soft’ Christmas movie is one that either merely takes place during the holidays or features a Christmas scene (or many) but otherwise isn’t technically a Christmas movie. They are, naturally, not to be confused with ‘hard’ Christmas movies. I find the clearest and most obvious examples of each are “It’s a Wonderful Life” and “A Christmas Story”. The former doesn’t need to take place at Christmastime to tell its story, whereas if you remove all Christmas elements from the latter, you’re left with no story to tell.

The movies that end up making my December-Watch-List each year tend to be almost all hard Christmas movies. I don’t go out of my way to ensure this, it just kinda happens. However, a lot of my favourite Christmas themed scenes come from soft Christmas movies that I don’t necessarily watch every year. So I thought I’d take a moment to acknowledge and honour them.

Here are my six favourite Christmasy moments from soft Christmas movies that I don’t watch in December.

(I’ve included the appropriate amount of honourable mentions)

“The Walk Home” from GREMLINS (1984)

Nothing quenches youthful romantic longing quite like getting to walk your crush home alone. And if you muster up the courage to ask them out just before they say goodnight, even better. Let it snow and make that crush an impossibly adorable, bundled up Phoebe Cates and you’ve got the highlight of your movie. The above shot is my favourite of Dante’s entire career.

“A New Sled” from CITIZEN KANE (1941)

Being torn away from and deprived of a happy childhood, and an awesome sled, is the wound that never heals. Having the one responsible attempt to solve the sadness with a fancier second sled is the equivalent of squirting lemon juice into said wound. What a miserable Christmas for Charles. What a brilliantly symbolic scene for us.

“Lisbeth Writes a Christmas Card”
from THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO (2011)

Fincher brings a wonderful tenderness to this otherwise chilly tale. For me, the sweetest moment is when Lisbeth is seen preparing a card to go with the Christmas present she’s had made for Mikael. The image on the card is unusually sincere given who chose it, and the care with which she writes in and handles the card, then addresses the envelope, tells us everything. The fact that it ends up unopened in a dumpster is too sad to think about.

“The End” from TOY STORY (1995)

What better way to wrap this masterpiece up than with a little Christmas Day epilogue that also bookends the whole movie with gift giving? Woody and Buzz are finally not just friends but partners, as shown by Woody entrusting Buzz with the all-important present-reporting-duties and by the pillows behind them. The cosiness of this heart-warming ending is only amplified by the winter setting outside the window. Plus, everything introduced here is honoured nicely in the sequel. I always appreciated that.

“A Kiss Under the Mistletoe”
from BATMAN RETURNS (1992)

The moment directly after Selina and Bruce realize who each other really are is incredibly well played by all involved. Keaton pulling her back into their dance says so much. It’s more than just a “don’t make a scene” gesture. He’s not fastening his grip on her because he’s scared she’ll run off and tell someone his secret. It’s because now that he knows who he’s really dealing with, how mentally ill the woman in his arms is, he’s scared for her. She needs help but he’s gotta keep her close to give it to her. His instincts, as the stable one, are calm and correct. Hers, the unstable one with tears in her eyes, are to ask, “Does this mean we have to start fighting?” Perfect.

“Happy Christmas” from HARRY POTTER
AND THE PHILOSOPHER’S STONE (2001)

It took six simple words.

“Happy Christmas, Harry.”

“Happy Christmas, Ron.”

 Six words to not only solidify that this blockbuster Hollywood franchise was definitely going to stay true to its British roots, as they say ‘happy’ instead of ‘merry’, but perfectly show us that these boys, who were strangers four months ago, are now better than best friends. They’re brothers.

“Silent Night” from LADY ON A TRAIN (1945)

Durbin rarely got to sing anything other than opera in her movies. This makes me cherish her beautiful rendition of “Silent Night” all the more. Her character is away from home on Christmas Eve for the first time and is singing it to her far away father over the phone to make them both feel a little bit closer to each other. The scene calls for her to sing most of the song while laying down, which is awkward staging and anyone else’s performance would’ve suffered. But Deanna pulls it off with her usual grace and charm.

“You Have No One Else to Call”
from CATCH ME IF YOU CAN (2002)

At its core, this is the story of a someone loosing the dishonest father who taught him how to cheat his way through life and finding an honest one who teaches him that the more fulfilling way to get ahead is by helping others. This is the scene you begin to realize all that. Or, at least, is when I did, making it my favourite out of the many Christmas scenes in this movie. Feeling lonely on Christmas Eve is almost uncomfortably relatable and Carl turning the tables by calling out that that’s the real reason for the call is a great moment. An even better one is when they reveal that Frank wasn’t lying about where he was staying.

“Three Christmas Scenes” from GOODFELLAS (1990)

From Jimmy outstretching his arms at the Christmas party to Stacks lying slumped on the floor next to his bloody bed, Scorsese offers a little Christmastime interlude that evokes a more authentic holiday feel than most full length yule tide fare. This sequence is used as the turning point in these guys’ lives. That moment when they’ve reached the very tip-top of the mountain… and quickly begin losing their balance as a result. I don’t know if in reality these moments historically took place in December or if it was just a choice. Either way, the seasonal setting works wonders. To conclude with killing Stacks in slow-motion to the smooth sounds of The Drifters singing “The Bells of St. Mary’s” is sublime cinema.

“Shall We?” from EYES WIDE SHUT (1999)

The masked ball gets all the attention, naturally. But there’s another side of that coin. The quiet heads to the loud tails. Both sides tell the same story: a man is lured into the unknown by lust, but leaves before indulging himself, only later to find out the whole dalliance could have cost him his life. However, whereas the orgy is all about pleasure by way of biology; a clinical transaction where the participants faces are meaningless, this scene is about proposed pleasure by way of a passionate connection; getting to see the others’ face is the whole point. For this reason, and many others (Vinessa Shaw), it’s the better, sexier and more memorable sequence if you ask a romantic.

“The Ice Dance”
from EDWARD SCISSORHANDS (1990) 

Burton isn’t really a words guy, is he? I mean, you wouldn’t ask him to tackle a Beckett play. Yet him and cinema seem made for each other. No more so than here. It’s as if the entire movie is one big set-up for this impossibly perfect payoff. He’s getting two profound things across here. The first is just how magnificent it is to witness a person suddenly experiencing something they’ve only ever dreamt of. It’s truly magical. But I’ve found people tend to forget what cuts this sequence short, which brings us to Tim’s second observation: sometimes, no matter how much beauty one tries to bring to the world, they will always end up inadvertently causing pain.

THIS DECEMBER

IS THE DECEMBER.

There are a lot of movies out there themed around this time of year. It’s positively overwhelming. And despite my busy schedule of traditional viewings, I try to squeeze in a couple each year that I’ve never seen before. However, there are a few that I always intend to watch that I just never get around to. Some of them are considered essential classics that I’m a little embarrassed to admit I’ve never seen. Others are a little lesser-known and therefore always unfairly get put on the back-burner. A few are simply recent (one extremely recent) additions to the pile that I just haven’t gotten to yet. Whatever the reason, I’m left with a small batch of stuff that I’m dying to watch. I’m going to do my very best to make this the year that I do so. Ideally, this post will keep me accountable.

They are…

TWENTY FOUR.

(click it)